Welcome To My Silly Life
by TripAndStumble
Summary: Rachel and Blaine are Kurt Hummel's two favorite musicians. All he expected was to see them in concert. Imagine his surprise when he wakes up the following morning in teen-heartthrob, Blaine Anderson's body-consequently, Blaine is trapped in Kurt's body!
1. Extraordinary Merry Christmas

**Disclaimer: I do not own Glee. **In my mind, Rachel and Blaine are siblings, so in this fic, that's what's happening =] Also, I love the idea of a Kurtana friendship, so that's included. Note the M rating. This chaper has slight adult themed references, but no smut. There won't be for a bit...(This is my first fic and I'm kind of scared! It will happen though.) If you're interested, my Tumblr url is mckinleyiswheremykurtis.

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><p>Awaking to his iPod blaring "<em>Extraordinary Merry Christmas" <em>instead of its usual "_Wicked_" playlist, Kurt Hummel smiled a tiny smile. It was obvious that the teenager wasn't exactly the most religious person, and neither was his family. So really, what reason did he have for giving this song 104 plays, when it was just released yesterday? Kurt couldn't get enough of this song though, and _he _knew why. After a few seconds of cuddling deeper into his Egyptian cotton bed sheets and gently rubbing the sleepiness out of his eyes, he decided he should venture into the outside world. He finally rolled out of bed, when his iPod was about to switch to a different song.

"_Nuh uh uh_…" he thought to himself, shaking his head as if someone would see him emphasizing his point. Playing the song once again, the smirk was brought back to his face. The vocals of Rachel Berry were fantastic in this song, but _oh_ when Blaine Anderson sang, it was _flawless._ The cheerful tune, the pure, unadulterated _sex _in Blaine's voice was enough to tell Kurt that this would be a good day. It was Christmas after all, and dammit, he deserved to be happy.

He opened his closet, picking out a white collared shirt, a red sweater vest, and red skinny jeans that, in his opinion, made his ass look pretty awesome. Of course, he didn't have any other input on how his butt looked in them, other than his best friends, Santana and Mercedes. It was very flattering of them to say such, but it just wasn't the same as a _guy _telling him how great he looked. Even with the "Lookin' good, boo" from Mercedes and Santana's "You look nice today, Hummel. And by nice, I mean those jeans do fucking wonders for your ass _and _package. Auntie Tanny approves."

He let the hopeless wishes of another openly gay boy leave his thoughts quickly, sighing at the impossibility. Instead of pathetically dwelling on the matter, and he often found himself doing, Kurt made his way downstairs, greeting his family. His father sat on the couch, in his tacky robe that was adorned with images of reindeers and Christmas lights. Dear gosh, why did Carole pick out something so horrid? His father already had undergone a heart attack this year, why would she add a second disaster? Kurt silently forgave her as she snuggled closer to him on the couch, watching his step-brother excitedly rip apart the silver wrapping paper. It was a shame to see the festive paper flying everywhere, and Kurt had to hold his tongue as to not scold Finn for his abrasiveness, but a small part of him felt just as child-like as Finn acted on this special day.

He remembered years ago, when he would tear the wrapping paper to shreds, finding a stunning Marc Jacobs sweater, and running up to his mother, embracing her warmly. "MOTHER, OH MY GOSH, HOW DID YOU KNOW?" He'd say, as Elizabeth laughed and pushed his hair behind his ear, replying with a simple "A mother _always _knows." He would hold her for a second more, just a second. Her perfume smelled of lilac, with a hint of sandalwood mixed with the smell of gingerbread in the air. It was a comforting smell, one that he could clearly remember; one he never wanted to forget. Her long, graceful fingers would brush through his hair, her breath hitching. Kurt's eyes would squeeze shut, even tighter, as he memorized the pattern Elizabeth made, rubbing her hand in small, gentle circles on his back. She suddenly stopped, and crouched down in front of her son.

"Kurt, honey, you know that there isn't a second that goes by that I don't thank God for gracing me with such a beautiful, smart baby boy, right?" Kurt nodded quietly, not meeting his mother's eyes. Oh, how he hated when she talked like this. It was the _last _thing he wanted to think about on Christmas. Elizabeth, however, knew how little time she had to address this subject.

"No matter what, your father and I will be here to accept you. Don't ever think that we would judge you, or could love you any less…that's impossible. We'll always adore you, honey. You're so, so perfect." She pressed her lips to his forehead softly, as tears threated to form. Pulling away, she could tell by Kurt's glassy eyes that he felt the same way. He attempted to smile in spite of it, causing Elizabeth to give a genuine smile back. Her son was so strong. Stronger than she felt at the moment-but, unfortunately, she knew he would have to stay that way for a while. He was a Hummel though, and as her husband to her time and time again, "No one pushes the Hummels around."

That was their last Christmas together.

Finn pulled Kurt back into reality, as well as a hug, with a scream of "KURT, HOLY CRAP BRO! Dude, you're the best!" After the initial shock, Kurt laughed and patted his step-brother on the back awkwardly. With that, Finn ran upstairs with his new copy of Call Of Duty: Black Ops. Burt and Carole chuckled, shaking their heads at their son's antics. Carole turned to Kurt with a grin.

"Kurt, go get your stocking." He nodded slowly, retrieving the red and white decoration, which he's had for as many Christmases as he could remember. Kurt looked up to his father, who motioned for him to empty its contents. He happily obliged.

As expected, he found a few small candies that he would later deny his enjoyment of, an iTunes gift card, a designer key chain, a few gift cards to his favorite online stores, and a few bottles of his favorite, and tremendously expensive, moisturizers, and new sketch diary for his designs. That's what stockings were for-small gifts.

"Thank y-" Kurt began, but Burt cut him off.

"Don't go thanking us yet. Check the bottom of the stocking." Kurt raised an eyebrow, but did as he was told. Upon doing such, he was greeted with a gift so beautiful; it was only second to the Marc Jacobs sweater he received when he was 8. Gingerly, he lifted it out of the stocking, and held it closer to his face. Just _looking _at it brought on a smile. He couldn't believe such a thing was there, in his own hands.

Two tickets to see Rachel and Blaine in concert, during their "Winter Raine" tour.

Kurt couldn't believe his eyes-how could he be blessed with such a gift? He looked up to Burt and Carole, completely flabbergasted.

"These tickets…they were IMPOSSIBLE to get…how…oh my god…you guys…this is….oh my GOD!" Kurt sputtered, much to the amusement of Burt and Carole.

"Well kid, it's all you've been talking about for months…." Burt began.

"We took it as a subtle hint." Carole finished for him, with a smile.

"I love you guys, so, SO much! I can't think you enough!" He enveloped them both into a tight hug, earning their laughter.

"One more thing, son." His father reached under the tree, then handing him a small, tin box. Kurt blinked at it, confusedly, and then opened it. It was a receipt for two plane tickets, to New York, for the weekend of the concert.

"We also made reservations at a hotel. Kurt, you've had a hard year, and you're very mature for your age. Much more than any teenager should be. You've proven to be able to make good choices and handle responsibility-we trust you." Carole explained. Kurt was shocked, but managed to thank them.

"Dad…Carole…you have no clue how much this mean to me. Thank you guys-thank you!"

Burt nodded in response. "Go call up either Mercedes or Santana. You're dragging one of them to the show with you." Kurt bit his bottom lip enthusiastically, and ran to his room with his new tickets. He once again played "_Extraordinary Merry Christmas_". More than ever, he believed the song's title to be true.

~xXx~

"Hola my numero uno homosexual. Has my very own, personal, elf-on-a-shelf called to wish me a Merry Christmas?" Santana greeted Kurt.

"No, my very own, personal, '_ho, ho hoe'._ We have more important matters to deal with, _mon numero une _lesbian." He replied. This was, in fact, how the two conversed on a regular basis.

"And what would that be, tickle-me-doe-face?" Santana questioned, using a nicknamed her cheerleading coach devised for Kurt. It was a dreaded nickname, which only made it more tempting for Santana to use.

"Well, _Satan, _in my perfectly manicured, baby-soft hands, I hold two plane tickets to New York. Since 'Cedes can't go because of her upcoming date with Sam, I'm asking you to accompany me. You in?" Kurt asked, feigning nonchalance. When there was a silent pause, Kurt almost became nervous.

"AM I IN? Kurtie-pie, I'm so in. I'm SO fucking in." Ah, there was the reaction Kurt had expected. " In fact, I'm so in, I'm more _in_ than your cock will be one day be up some other guy's-"

"I GET IT SANTANA"

"Sorry, virgin-ears. Seriously though, read those pamphlets on your dresser. The ones your dad got you. As oblivious as you are to it, you are a nice piece of ass, Hummel. You should prepare yourself."

"Uh huh. Okay, I'm gonna pretend that it's not creepy of you to go through my things, especially those awkward pamphlets. Anyways, while in New York, we have a show to attend." Kurt said, smiling at the concert tickets.

"…Really, Kurt? Is this one of this extremely _gay _Broadway shows? I've had relations with women before, hun, and _I'm _calling them gay. Now that should tell you something, sweet-cheeks."

Kurt huffed in annoyance. "No, Santana, it's not Broadway-which isn't gay!- it's for Rachel and Blaine. They're going on tour, starting next weekend, in New York. That's the one we're going to."

"Oh, I get your angle. This is your excuse to see that sexy beast, Blaine Anderson, huh? Well, I could go for it. Rachel is pretty hot herself, I mean, aside from the bird beak taking up her face. The one she calls a "nose"." Santana snorted-something only Kurt and Mercedes have heard her do. As much as she teased and annoyed Kurt, he knew she loved him, as he did her.

"That's rude, 'Tana. Also, I don't just like Blaine because he's gorgeous! He's incredibly well-rounded. He's witty, articulate, charming, modest, talented,…"Kurt began to go off, listing adjectives as he began to daydream about the hazel-eyed musician.

"Stop right there, Hummel. I get it. He's basically God. I understand. I'm gonna hang up now as you masturbate to thoughts of him. Read those pamphlets while you're at it, Kurtie-pie. Buh-bye." With that, Kurt heard a click on the other line before he could object. As much as he hated to admit it, he really did need to read those pamphlets at some point. He had the sexual knowledge of a baby penguin. So it was decided that he would read them.

Just, not tonight.

Tonight, he would fall asleep to "_Extraordinary Merry Christmas_" because, for the first time since he spent the last Christmas with his mother, it really did feel like an extraordinary, merry Christmas.


	2. Carry Me Home Tonight

Thank you guys for adding this story to your alerts! I promise introduce Rachel and Blaine next chapter, but first this needed some backstory on the Kurtana friendship. Thanks for bearing with me! Disclaimer: I do not own Glee.

~xXx~

Pulling up his black Navigator in front of the Lopez residence; Kurt braced himself. His favorite Latina came out, dressed in a tight fitted, red dress and a cream-colored, faux fur parka over it. With her walked her 70-something year old _abuela_, who smiled brightly at Kurt as Santana rolled her eyes. While Santana put her luggage in the trunk, her grandmother busied herself by talking to Kurt, who sat in the driver's seat.

"_Coma Estas,_ Kurt? Excited for the trip?"

"Why, of course, Señora Lopez. Santana and I have always wanted to go to the big city. Really, this all feels like a dream." He laughed awkwardly.

"How sweet-just make sure you take care of her, alright? I don't want either of you getting into trouble." She wriggled her finger in warning in front of her, to which he nodded in response.

"No trouble here, I promise."

The elderly woman took something from her back pocket, and then handed it to Kurt. Kurt couldn't help but now stare at his hand in shock. Condoms.

"I trust you two, but when I say I don't want you all to get in trouble, I mean that in every way." Before Kurt could tell her unnecessary they were, Santana appeared.

"_Gracias, abuelita_, but we won't be need them, _porque_, we're definitely won't be doing anything like _that _while we're up there." She tried to reassure to woman, but her grandmother shook her head.

"You never know. It's how teenagers are these days, with these impulsive decisions. I just want you to be prepared so that if something _does _happen, neither of you will be in any trouble." Santana opened her mouth, but her abuela kissed her cheek first, and then waved to Kurt.

"_Hasta la vista, Kurt_! Have fun!" The woman then made her way back to the house. Kurt turned to Santana, who was looking at the ground, embarrassedly.

" 'Tanny….does she know that you, um…play for the other team?" Kurt inquired, voice filled with sympathy. Taking out took a lot of courage for him, so he knew first-hand how hard this was. Especially since Santana was still coming to terms with it herself. Kurt knew that he was different since he was three-but she was different. Only now was she fully accepting who she was.

"Kurt…you're so strong. You've handled being dumpster tossed, slushied, teased, and every other form of bullying since middle school. I hide behind my Cheerios uniform-but, you? You're out and proud, Kurt, while I'm so far back in the flannel closet, I might as well be in fucking Narnia." Salty tears began to roll down the girl's face, ruining her mascara, but she didn't really care at the moment. Kurt opened his car door and walked around to throw his arms around his best friend.

"Aw, come on 'Tana. No one's expecting you to come out today, or even tomorrow. It's hard, and not everyone can understand that. One day, you'll have the courage to tell her. I'll be there for you until then. I'll be there when you tell her if you asked me to be, and I'll most certainly be there afterwards. I know I can't do much, but I'll support you as much as I can, okay?" He smoothed her hair back as she sighed deeply, then pulled back to wipe her face with the back of her hand.

"Teen gay, I don't know what I'd do without you." She tapped her finger lightly to the tip of his nose, smiling. Kurt giggled in response, and then made his way back to the driver's seat, motioning for Santana to get in the car as well. She followed his lead, plugging in her iPod as well. Despite Kurt's suggestion to add some Rachel and Blaine tracks to her iPod before the trip, the Latina decided to play "_We Are Young_" by Fun. Kurt rolled his eyes, but wordlessly agreed to sing along, duet style, with Santana. He let his hand rest on the arm rest that sat between them, and Santana put her hand over his. Their fingers loosely intertwined, but she gave a tight squeeze at the "Cause I found someone to carry me home," part. Kurt squeezed her hand back and turned to her for a second, flashing an affectionate smile. This is the Santana that he wished the world was able to see- the sweet, caring, lovable girl who just wanted to have fun and forget the world around her. She had issues, and Kurt knew about them all. He was one of the two people she ever fully confided in. (The other being Mercedes.)

Her mother was only a teenager when she gave birth to her, and her father was only a little older. He did drugs often, and when he became angry, he took it out on everyone around her-especially Santana and her mother. Her parents never got married, since they had no means to pay for a real wedding. Her mother didn't want to get married in a court, so the couple left their relationship status alone. As the years progressed, her mother became more and more irritated with her boyfriend who was an abusive, dead-beat father. When she finally broke up with him, he swore that he would come back and take Santana with him, who was 5 years old at the time. Because her mother feared that he would get drunk and follow through with this, Santana and her mother moved in with her grandmother. Growing up, Santana never saw her dad. Though, she did see her mother frequently going in and out of the rehab facility. Her mother turned to drugs to cope with the stress after leaving her boyfriend. Santana blamed herself for her mother's actions, believing that it was her fault that she wasn't enough for her mother to quit the drug usage. The same moment she decided that was the moment that she vowed to be the best daughter she could be, in order to possibly fix her mother's problems.

Santana kept her to her vow as best as she could. She made good grades, joined the cheerleading squad, and kept up her appearance. She was attractive, even Kurt would admit, with her golden complexion, skinny torso, long black hair, feminine curves, pouty lips, and big brown eyes. Her cheerleading coach sometimes referred to her as "J-Lo". She maintained her status in the school as bitch-in-charge, "going all Lima-Heights Adjacent" on anyone who dared to look her in the eyes. Kurt knew it was just a façade though. He knew that behind the intimidating front she put on, Santana was just scared and confused.

When Kurt was asked to join the Cheerios with Mercedes during junior year, he realized how much Mercedes simply _hated _Santana, due to the fact that Santana was trying to steal Mercedes boyfriend at the time. He was forced to break up their fights countless times, and eventually learned that Mercedes asking him to hold her earrings meant trouble. Though he would never go as far as to hit a girl, he wasn't very fond of Santana at time either. Then, ten minutes before a cheerleading competition, Kurt went back to the bus to retrieve the pair of pom-poms Mercedes had forgotten. When he stepped onto the bus, he was faced with something no one at the school ever expected to see-Santana was sobbing. She was crying uncontrollably, rocking back in forth like they do in movies. He was confused as to what he should do. Should he try to console her, or would she rip his face off if he did? Unexpectedly, she was the first to address him.

"So what, you gonna stand there lady-lips? How fucking great. Take a fucking picture, homo, if it's that fascinating. You probably hate me, along with the rest of this damn school. I'm sure they'd fucking _love _seeing me like this." She sneered, her voice trying to keep steady. Kurt was taken aback, figuring out how to reply to that.

"I…I don't hate you, Santana." He said, tripping on his own words.

"Like Hell you don't. Everyone here fucking hates me. I try to be honest and keep things real, but people just fucking _suck." _Tears broke free again, and Kurt gained the courage to move closer to her. When she didn't protest, he rubbed small, gentle circles on her back the way his mother used to do to him.

"I promise I don't hate you." Santana looked up at him, his glasz eyes shined with sincerity.

"Why are you being so nice to me? I'm a bitch. Literally, I have no honest-to-God friends at this school. I don't have any _at all. _No one likes me, because I don't like people." Her voice was going back to normal, but she now refused to look back at him.

"I kind of like you. You _are _kind of a bitch, but I think there's more to you than just that. There's more to you than you let people see." He put his hand over hers. "Besides, the world is an awfully horrendous place to go through without a friend." Santana's brown eyes finally met with his blue-grey ones. She let her head fall to his shoulder.

"Kurt…I…I'm a lesbian. I can't be though-my abuela will _hate _me if she finds out. I can't disappoint her. I can't disappoint anyone else Kurt. I just _can't." _Tears began to trickle down her cheek again. Kurt instantly sympathized with her, remembering the fear he felt before telling his father that he was gay. He knew he couldn't say anything to stop her pain, but he could be her shoulder to cry on. Minutes later, she regained some composure.

"I just wish there was another girl at this school who was out. If there was just _one_ more female here who understood the shit I'm dealing with, maybe I could follow her lead. That'd be so much fucking better." She sighed heavily, leaning her head back on the seat of the bus.

Kurt thought a second before responding. Finally he said "When you're different … when you're special … sometimes you have to get used to being alone." He leaned his head back as well, then faced towards her.

She smiled weakly back. "I'm really happy there's at least one other person in Lima who understands, Hummel. Thank you." Surprising Kurt in the process, she hugged him. They missed that competition, and were yelled at by Coach Sylvester, but they both understood that it was worth it.

When the two pulled up to the airport, Kurt got both of their luggage. Santana slapped his ass as he bent down to pick them up.

"Hope you kept those condoms, Hummel. With an ass like that, some lucky bastard's bound to tap that." She said unashamedly, flipping her hair. Kurt rolled his eyes.

"I won't need them, thanks for your concern."

"Oh, but Kurtie-kins, didn't you read the pamphlets? Don't be silly, wrap your willy."

Kurt blushed brightly red, and then looked around to make sure no one heard her. "Stop it, 'Tana." They began making their way to the security check.

"If you think he's spunky, cover your monkey." Santana sing-songed for the room to hear. Kurt's face was heating up violently.

"I said stop it!" He walked faster.

"You can't go wrong, if you shield your dong." Kurt was now covering his face with his hands as they went to their gate.

"Jesus, Santana, shut up!"

Ten more obnoxious safe-sex slogans later, their plane arrived. Kurt was thankful for it silencing his friend as they found the row they would be seated in. Once they took off into air, Santana interrupted his reading of the latest issue of _Vogue _by tapping his shoulder. He turned to her with a raised eyebrow.

"Don't be in such a jiffy, cover your stiffy." She smirked. Kurt groaned.

This would be a long, long flight.


End file.
